Short Funny Stories To Make Your Day
Honey…..i have a bad dream!
There was a couple sleeping. The wife had a bad dream; she woke up scared and cried.
Her husband comforted her and asked why she cried, she replied: “I had a dream that a very rich and handsome man kidnapped me from you.”
Husband: “It is ok honey, it was just a dream.”
Wife responded loudly: “That is why I’m crying.”
Blondes in Disneyland
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they met a sign that said: Disneyland left. So they started crying and went back home.
One husband came home drunk in the night. He needed use the toilet as soon as he got to the house.
Then he did it and went to sleep.
Next day he woke up and went to his wife…
Husband: Darling, yesterday I felt something different when I was using the toilet. The door of the toilet had to be pulled. And also there was an automatic light when I opened the door…
His wife thought for a while and went to check…
Wife: OMG…next time please check whether you are using the toilet or the refrigerator…
An 80-year old man walks into the doctor’s office for his regular check-up.
The doctor says to him, “Ahh, Ted, how are you feeling?”
“Great,” says the old man. “I have an 18-year old wife, and she’s pregnant with my child.”
The doctor gives a concerned look and says to Ted, “Ted, let me tell you a story. See, I have this hunter friend and one early morning, he goes out hunting, but is in such a hurry that he grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So, as he is hunting, he spots a lion.
He aims at the lion with his umbrella and shoots at it. Bam! The lion falls dead to the ground.”
“What?!” cries the old man. “Why? That’s impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion.”
“Exactly!” says the doctor.
Who’s Smarter Now?
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer then snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
Excuse me waiter…we have a problem
Man at restaurant: Excuse me waiter, could you come here?
Waiter: Is everything okay?
Man: Everything is fine, but would you please try my soup?
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir, we really can’t do that.
Man: No I won’t say anything, please try my soup.
Waiter: Well, is there something wrong with the soup?
Man: No, but will you please try the soup?!
Waiter: Okay, okay… Where’s the spoon?
You Forgot This!
At night, a thief went to a madman’s house and stole his TV and DVD.
As the thief was getting out of the house, the madman woke up and started chasing the thief.
After a 2 hrs race, the thief gave up and started pleading to be forgiven but the madman replied, “Don’t worry, i wanted to give you the remotes “.
Heaven Rewards Couples
3 men died and went up to heaven. The guy at the gate said “The better you were to your wife, the better kind of car you’ll get.”
The first guy was very loyal to his wife and got a Ferrari. The second man fought with his wife so he got a broken down car. The last guy cheated on his wife dozens of times so he got a scooter.
One day the guy on the scooter saw the guy in the Ferrari crying. He asked him, “Why are you crying?”
He answered, “I just saw my wife on roller skates.”
Two young boys’ conversation:
Johnny: “What makes the baby at your house cry so much, Tommy?”
Tommy: “If all your teeth were out, your hair off, and your legs so week you couldn’t stand on them, I guess you’d feel like crying yourself.”
The teacher asks Jimmy:
Teacher: “Jimmy, why aren’t you writing?”
Jimmy: “I don’t has a pencil.”
Teacher: “Jimmy, that’s not a correct sentence. The correct way is: I don’t have a pencil; he doesn’t have a pencil; we don’t have a pencil.”
Jimmy: “Who stole all the pencils then?”
Cost of getting married….
How much does it cost to get married?
A little boy asked his father: “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
The father replied: “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
A college student is deeply in love with his classmate but he doesn’t know what to do to get the girl’s attention.
One day, he came to ask the girl for help with his assignments and the girl agreed.
Happily, he came to sit next to the girl the next day and took out a book pretending to read.
After a little while, the girl asked: “You must be a genius. How can you read a book upside down?”